Where were you?
Ask someone with Trigeminal Neuralgia where they were when they had their first horrifying attack, and most everyone will remember. For those of us with type 1 trigeminal neuralgia, we can typically recall the moment when it felt as though we were being struck by a lightning bolt!

The lightning bolt moment
It was a Sunday much like any other for me, my husband, and two of our children. We arrived a little bit late, so we slipped into the back row as the praise team was leading, and everyone was standing and singing. We attended a very upbeat contemporary church. The music is always a part of the service that I enjoy so much. As we joined in on the singing, I began to close my eyes and worship the Lord. The mood of the service was happy and exciting, and it was hard not to be lifted up. As the tempo increased, the instruments led into a guitar solo. Suddenly, it was as if I was hearing the most deafening pitch on the planet, while I was biting into tin foil, and fingernails were screeching down a chalkboard!

A silent plea for help
I was gripping the side of my head while I was falling into my seat. I was certain it had to stop quickly, but it did not. I reached for my husband's hand in an attempt to steady myself. He looked down at me asking, "What is wrong?" I couldn't say a word. I tried to stand up, and I whispered to him, "Something is wrong. Please help me get out of here."

The beginning of many attacks
I remember it seemed to take an eternity to exit the building and drive home. I could only think that it must be some form of a migraine. I don't remember much else about that day or how long it all lasted. It was the beginning of many attacks to come. It was also not to be the only time I had to make an immediate exit from church. I was struck two more times before realizing that it was the vibration and the pitch of the music that set my nerves off. My family members were learning to recognize that when I grabbed their hand as I was sinking into the seat, they needed to help me exit the church quickly. Very soon, everyday activities began triggering attacks. Simply brushing my teeth, drying my hair, or applying makeup were often causing severe, unmanageable attacks of pain.
Judgement
Since routine everyday morning preparations were causing more and more frequent attacks, it became harder and harder to not only make it to church, but to basically Anywhere in the morning hours. Simply brushing my hair or drinking a cup of hot coffee could start firing off pain in my face likened to sudden abscess tooth pain. It took me many months to not only find a physician to know WHAT was wrong in my face and head, but to then find medications that my body could tolerate and that actually worked to lower the pain enough to do anything!
I received a lot of judgmental opinions for not trying harder to attend church or to get over my fear. No one had any idea what I was going through every single morning just to try to do ANYTHING!
We don't get a say in how our day will go with trigeminal neuralgia. I enjoy attending church when my body will let me push through. Once I am there, I very much enjoy the worship music as a part of the service. I just have to close my eyes and praise and hope that God allows me to stay and participate. I don't fault the musicians for playing loudly and lifting up their talents in worship. I just know that if lightning bolts strike me in my face, I will have to leave quickly.
Do You remember where YOU were when you were first struck with a TN attack? I hope you don't let the memory or fear of another attack keep you from trying to press on either.
Striving to find purpose in the pain,
Kim
"Fear of a painful attack of this magnitude can greatly impact our desire to put ourselves into a similar situation."
A Pain in My Face Blog
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