Loss and Purpose
My journey with Trigeminal Neuralgia has been one of profound loss, but also of unexpected discovery and strength. Join me as I share a deeply personal reflection on grief, resilience, and finding hope amidst life's greatest challenges.
The weight of loss
Through my journey with Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN), I have suffered a lot of loss. First, the loss of my health. Then the loss of my ability to work. Next came the loss of my marriage. Eventually, the natural loss of my last two children leaving the nest, who were my greatest support system. That was followed by the loss of so many friendships. That might sound strange to some if you have not experienced it, but they one by one gave up on me because I was always having to cancel plans. They never could grasp an invisible disease that is never cured.
Navigating profound changes
Next came the loss of winning my disability case. I fought that for 10 years, and they agreed I had more medical evidence than most. Then came the loss of my finances, and I was forced to file bankruptcy! That hit me hard. Next, I had to move in with family, losing my home and privacy. I am extremely thankful for my family! I would not be able to do this journey without them. This has been so humbling. Loss after loss creates grief.
Understanding your grief
If you or a family member is battling TN, you too are likely going through seasons of loss. It was a psychiatrist who told me gently, "Honey, has anyone told you that you are grieving? Look at all the monumental parts of normal life that you have lost, and all in a short period of time!" She recommended I go through grief counseling. It was very beneficial and also helped that someone actually understood what I was going through. It was not just depression. If you are experiencing any of these big losses, I'd highly recommend counseling. Even if you are primarily battling the loss of your health from TN, I cannot recommend counseling enough.
Finding strength and purpose
Today, as I was spending some time in God's word, I was overcome that He spoke so clearly to my need: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." James 1:2. He wants us to see our complete need and dependency on Him. As I spoke to Him about all my loss, grief, loneliness, and fears, He showed me a few things. That when I am lacking in any of these areas—health, finances, relationships, etc.—it is to bring me to my knees and complete dependency on Him alone. Not doctors, or jobs, or spouses, or the government. He alone wants to meet my needs! He never designed us to be self-sufficient! That creates pride! I am proof that health, wealth, and even people can disappear at any time. So don't worry about the tomorrows and "what ifs." Stay in today alone and know that God's power is made perfect in our weakness. I am striving to find God's purpose for all my pain and suffering. I hope that you can draw encouragement and hope from me.
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