Stories from the edge of pain
Welcome to "A Pain in My Face," where I share my 15-year journey of living and fighting Trigeminal Neuralgia. This blog is a resource for those who are learning that they have this strange-named disease. I want to offer insights into managing pain and finding new ways for God to use me through this journey. I'm glad you're here to be a part of my story, finding purpose in the pain.
Stories from the edge of pain
Welcome to "A Pain in My Face," where I share my 15-year journey of living and fighting Trigeminal Neuralgia. This blog is a resource for those who are learning that they have this strange-named disease. I want to offer insights into managing pain and finding new ways for God to use me through this journey. I'm glad you're here to be a part of my story, finding purpose in the pain.
My 15-year journey
I will be sharing with
you the good, the bad, and everything in between. My story will be lengthy and will probably take a few days to post. I have had so many medication trials, procedures, and surgeries. I have also lost a lot along the way. I cannot talk about trigeminal neuralgia and not also talk about the loss and depression that have definitely been a part of My story. It is my prayer for you that my story can keep you from walking through some of those shared experiences and can help to strengthen your support team. You definitely need a village. I know that God's word teaches that he does not waste pain and that he catches every tear. I have sought his strength and guidance through it all and asked him to somehow use me to make someone else's' burden lighter. I pray that I can be someone to help carry your pain.
2 Corinthians 12:9 " But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. "
If you are walking in the very worst of TN suffering, please don't think that I am throwing platitudes of scripture at you and expecting you to feel better. I Know that when I was going out of my mind in pain, it often felt like an insult when someone would quote scripture to me. So, I know this is not instantly going to take your pain away. I just want to remind us all of what God's word says about suffering and to let you know that He will carry you through this. It is in our weakest times that we find out how big our God is!
A voice for your pain
You will be asked many times, "what is your pain level today?" There is typically a picture displayed on the wall of smiling faces to crying faces with numbers 1-10. If I am at the ER there is no picture to accurately describe my pain.
They don't have a picture of a person curled up in a fetal position screaming in pain. The longer I have endured TN the more my way of describing my pain level has changed . I have learned to give a voice to my pain with visual descriptions over numbers.
I don't know that we will ever understand while on this earth Why such pain has to exist. It is no different then understanding fatal diseases. I know that Satan plans to use the pain to break and destroy us. God uses it to strengthen us in ways I never knew possible. There will be days when you might think, " I wasted another day! I could only survive a day of pain." That IS a win! Satan wants us to give up. You survived the worst pain known to man! Pain does feel like it is breaking you. Living with this pain DOES change you. It shows you that you Are stronger than you could have ever imagined. It shows you that God will not let you go. You learn what "the sacrifice of praise," means. It is hard to pray and praise when you can barely breathe. What the enemy meant for evil and to break you, will be what strengthens you. God sees you and he does hear you!
Finding purpose and hope
This is a painting that is widely used to depict trigeminal neuralgia.
It is called, The Scream.
Anyone that is suffering debilitating TN can truly relate to this. The original painting was done by Edvard Munch. Not only is the person screaming in horror and holding their face, but all the colors swirling madly around them are what we would imagine is happening in our head and life! How can something be this severe and so hard to diagnose and treat? It is my hope and prayer that I can encourage and create a safe place for you to share and find hope.
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